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How to get what you want is a question on the front of everyone’s mind. And the answer is simple. You need to ask for it. When you ask, you immediately increase your odds. If you don’t ask, the answer is no. The question is how do you ask, and how do you ask in a way that doesn’t put a relationship at risk? And that’s what’s key, because you might get a no now and that’s okay. But we want to leave ourselves with the opportunity to get a yes down the road.
1. The Opt-Out Ask
My favorite type of ask is the opt-out ask. This makes it as easy for somebody to say no as it is for them to say yes. Yes is easy. No is hard. We feel bad about no. We want to then avoid you if we say no. No could put the relationship at risk if I feel uncomfortable saying no. So the opt-out ask makes somebody comfortable saying no. You might give them the reason of, “Well, if your company allows it.” Or you might say, “If you have the time,” “If you’re not too busy,” or, “If this is a fit for what you’re working on.” Any of those phrases gives that easy opt-out of the request that’s being made of them and it makes it okay. That’s probably the most common one that people will use.
2. The Make-It-Easy Ask
The make-it-easy ask is another ask. And there’s kind of variations on the make-it-easy ask. You can make it easy by giving them options. So the alternatives, “Could we do this or that?” Those options might be of equal value to you, but the person you’re asking might have a preference, and so it puts the control in their hands.
3. The Shrinking Ask
You can have the shrinking ask, and this is when the ask becomes smaller each time. “Could we have lunch? Oh, maybe just coffee. Oh, if live is too hard, how about a phone call? If you’re too busy right now, maybe there’s somebody else I can chat with.” Yeah, just keep getting smaller until there’s something that they can say yes to, because people do want to say yes. And so we’ll just shrink it down.
4. The Convenient Ask
And then there’s the convenient ask. These are all different variations on how to make it easy. The convenient ask we often will use with people who might be a higher level or they’re doing us a little bit of a favor, and so we want make it really convenient for them. “Would you like me to come to your office or do you prefer a local coffee house? What time is best for you, morning or afternoon?” Just make it as easy for them as possible. Don’t make them get on a train and come to you. And that enables an easier yes because it’s not difficult for them. So the make-it-easy could be making it an alternative, it could be making it smaller, and it could be making it convenient.
5. The WIIFT Ask
Another type of ask is the WIIFT. WIIFT stands for “what’s in it for them.” And the WIIFT ask really focuses on what’s the benefit to the other person of what you’re asking? Now you’ve got to be careful with this one because sometimes there’s no benefit. Don’t pretend there’s a benefit to somebody when there’s not a benefit to them. But sometimes there is. And it’s not about why you want it to happen, but what might be valuable for them.
Maybe you want to go to a conference and your company’s paying for it, and you know exactly why you want to be there. It’s education, it’s networking. But why should the company fund the bill? Well, maybe there’s a specific project that you’re working on, or maybe there’s a specific client that you want to connect with. Maybe there’s a report you can bring back, so you can educate everybody else on it. Think about how you can benefit whoever you’re asking for that yes.
6. The Non-Ask
And the last type of ask that I want to share with you is a newer one, and I call it the non-ask. This is not actually asking for anything specific, but I think about it as sharing what you’re working on. Right now, I’m working on launching a new book, and I might go up to somebody and say, “Hey, you know, I want to make sure I get this book out there. Any ideas, any suggestions, anyone you think I should talk to? Anything you’ve tried?” Whatever it is you’re working on. “Hey, I want to enter this industry. It’s not the field I’ve been in before. Any thoughts on who I could chat with?” It’s not, “Can you introduce me to a specific person?” It’s just playing off of somebody’s desire to be helpful. Because again, people want to be helpful. They want to feel valuable. These are all great ways to ask and get what you want.