Shaping How You’re Perceived

A surprising  revelation about perception

People will engage with you based on the perception that they have about who you are. And that perception may be completely opposite to the reality of who you really are and, more importantly, how you see yourself. I had a very senior managing director say to me about five years into my career, “You know, you’re smart. You work hard. But I don’t think you’re tough enough for this business.” And as I clutched my pearls, I thought to myself, “What is he thinking? The last thing you can call Carla Harris is ‘not tough.'” So the fact that he was questioning whether or not I was tough enough was a wake up call to me that the real Carla Harris was no longer walking into Morgan Stanley. And it was now creating a competitive disadvantage for me.

So I decided that the way that I would correct that was that I would walk tough, talk tough, eat tough, drink tough, use “tough” in my language. Because it’s important that — if you want to train people to think about you in a certain way — you must have that consistent behavior around those adjectives, but you must use these adjectives, these words in your environment, particularly when you are talking about yourself.

Choose what defines you

Generally, when you’re talking about someone and someone says, “Oh, do you know Samantha? Oh, do you know Mike?” People tend to say, “Oh, she’s A, B, C,” or, “Mike is D, E, and F.” So I say pick the three adjectives that are consistent with who you really are, but pick the three adjectives that are also valued in your organization. And to be even more specific, that are valued in your seat. In every seat that you have, those adjectives are going to change. For example, as an associate, people cared that I had outstanding analytical skills, quantitative skills, and exceptional attention to detail. But as a managing director, nobody really cared whether or not I could do a model. What’s valued now as a managing director is, is that person relationship oriented? Is that person commercial? And maybe if you’re managing a lot of people, is that person fair? So understanding what those adjectives are in every single seat are important, but they must also be consistent with who you really are. Because I am not a fan of playing a role. Any of us can do that, but at some point, if you’re just playing at a role, the real you will show up one day, and you do not want to worry about whether or not you are in an environment that will embrace the real you.

So pick the adjectives that are valued by the organization in the seat that you’re in, but pick those adjectives that are also consistent with who you really are. Then it’s really easy for you to execute.

Be who you say you are

You can train people to think about you in the way that you want them to think about you. And when you become a senior leader, you want them to think about you as a strategic thinker. You want them to think about you as a visionary. You want them to think about you as somebody who’s very respected in the industry. Now if you want to train people to think about you around those descriptors, your behavior needs to be consistent with those descriptors.

You want them to think about you as somebody who’s very well-respected in the industry, which means you need to go to industry events, which means you need to show up and engage with some of the key people who are seen as icons in your industry. It means that you might need to participate in a few panels so people hear you speak. They know that you are focused on the industry. They know that you are an expert, per se, in that particular industry.

If you want them to think about you as somebody who everybody wants to work for, then you need to make sure that your immediate team loves working for you. And you need to understand what you need to do, how you need to show up for them to, quote, “love working for you.” So it’s consistent behavior around the adjectives is what will train people to think about you in the way you want them to think about you. And if you have been in an organization for a long period of time, it’s important that you calibrate those perceptions as you’re moving up the ladder.